Merklin Miffed should be aware that this tragedy c...

2010-03-03T10:14:09.840-05:00

Merklin Miffed should be aware that this tragedy could have been avoided if every vehicle had a suctional catheter embedded in the dashboard.

Public urination should be restricted only to public performances by real poets and artistas.

Tristan Tzara, the Romanian poet, at the first Dada Soirée July 14, 1916, Zurich, demanded the right to piss in different colours.

Pity that the rainbow was hijacked by the gay bowel movement -- the golden shower activistas are doing nothing more than implementing a one-colour regime. Where's the diversity in that.

Eat a lot of borsch, then go pee in public pool. Make art old fart.

What was a live wire doing in a ditch? Do we know ...

2010-03-02T20:28:52.061-05:00

What was a live wire doing in a ditch? Do we know for sure the man "had a few"?

See, I publicly pee all the time. I'm very careful because of all those poor dogs getting electrocuted in Toronto by what Toronto Hydro termed 'stray voltage' emanating from steel plates in the sidewalks. I don't pee where there's utility pole anchors nearby because that's where lightening goes. And I never pee during weather events. You're always better to hold your water during weather events, at least I think so. Further, because of the internet I know two things to be true: 1) Everybody has a bigger penis than I do and 2) everybody is having more fun than I am (see:1). Ergo, was it merely the stream of urine that caused the poor man to ground out? Or did he actually, through now fault of his own except internet-worthy endowment, complete the circuit when his -ahem- member contacted the wire directly?

This is The Burd Report and the reason we are here is to get the answers to the questions nobody else even dares ask.

I hope this has been helpful.

Comments on The Burd Report: Not this guy's day!

Merklin Miffed should be aware that this tragedy c...

What was a live wire doing in a ditch? Do we know ...